Pride of the Bride

I had the honor of catching a screening of 'Balle Balle Amritsar To L.A.' yesterday evening. The name in itself gives me churns inside my stomach. To me, its anything but appealing - just like its infamous sister - 'Football Shootball Hai Rabba'. But thats Chadha ingenious for you.
The first question that cropped up in my torchered head was - who is the bride? Is it the Bakshi parivaar's family friend? Is it Aishwarya's older sister? Is it Aishwarya's best friend, or hell, is it Aishwarya herself? Who is the movie about. And why did Gurinder make this movie? I really mean it, why?
How could Rai sign a movie where her character's name is 'Lalita' - inspired totally from Shakti Kapoor days. Three men dance in and out of Rai's life trying to win her heart. The male lead, Darcy whatever, is forced to look like Tom Cruise and for no apparent reason he falls in love with Rai. For no apparent reason, Rai doesn't like him. For no apparent reason, she falls in love with someone else, who, for no apparent reason, leaves her.. and at the end for no apparent reason Darcy and Rai unite. On an elephant.
Damn, I killed the suspense, didn't I? And you thought all along Rai was going to marry Anupam Kher, didn't you? See, thats the twist - he's her father, so that leaves no other apparent candidate but Mr. Cruise himself to save the day.
There are so many downfalls to the movie that I hate to say this, but you really have to see the movie to enjoy cribbing about it. No one knows how to act, but Namrata Shirodkar takes the front seat compared even to Rai, at least her smile isn't that plastic. Anupam only appears for six-seven scenes, that too, he looks immensely bored. Rai's three sisters make brief appearances and leave nothing behind to ponder on. Rai's mother is a weird character who wants to push her daughters in and out of relationships for money alone, which is sad, because thats really not how our traditions are and since this was supposed to be an insight into our culture, I am really sorry that Gurinder has failed this country.
Too many characters, Too many songs, Too many wardrobe changes. There is absolutely NO story. I hate to say this, but Karan Johar indeed is more entertaining. The direction too, falls flat in the face and nothing extraordinary comes out of the camerawork either. Makes one miss Ram Gopal and Mani Ratnam incredibly.
Highly unrecommended, I would suggest you go burn the money if you really must - at least the heat would come to some use in the chilly nights.