I couldn’t see it, but the fragrant rain overwhelmed my thoughts and brought fantasies anew in my clogged mind.
It was the fragrance of water meeting the parched land – but more of innocent children celebrating in its welcome and old couples sharing coffee under its benevolence.
The innumerable drops fell out of nowhere – from an unknown source, a generous donator and a fine craftsman. Each drop held its identity in its astounding spectrum and wet secrets. And each time it hit the earth - a puddle got bigger, an umbrella got wetter and an old hag got sulkier.
Of science claiming rainwater as the purest form of water available – I opened my mouth ajar as a kid to collect it inside and gulp it down all at once, feeling it cleanse my body. The kids in my neighborhood used to join me in my spiritual pursuits but ended up in the laps of their mothers sniffing and sneezing while the parental love cussed the rain for its very falling.
I never once caught a cold dancing in the rain. The rains had always enveloped unforgettable moments for me and sealed it with its sweet scent.
He never once stepped out in the rain. The drops irked him, the water drenched him and the sky depressed him. He only urged me to step out and make the best of it, but I never did. Not without him.
I would’ve liked to say that we met when it was raining and held pink umbrellas with little heart patterns above us, but it would be a lie. We met on a clear sunny day, fell in love on a velvety purple night and married in thin fog. There were no romantic connections with the rain, no matter how much romance it filled my heart with.
I never asked him if love was forever or if we would always be together. In my mind love was like the rain. It came from nowhere, it landed with its own sweet poise and it ended up somewhere. For few, it reached the gutters – for others, it made the oceans and became infinite. And we only had to love to find out the answers.
And we did. We loved like there was no forever. There was no together. It was just now. And it was just me and him. Each day we passed was like that heavy cloud that showered us with all its joy and disappeared right back into the sky.
When he died – in the middle of the road, with the blood streaming down the sides of his head, his brown hair drenched in red – it rained. Like there was no tomorrow.
And when they picked him from the ground, I shielded his face with my umbrella and requested the strangers who had come in futility for rescue – “Please, let this cover him. He doesn’t like the rain”.
Comments
Beautifully crafted .. and I really appreciate the fact that the part abt the death wasn't too elaborate...
These days I've started expecting a twist every time I read ur short stories
made cooler by Linus on May 1, 2004 2:24 PM
Linus: Thanks :) Although, I do have my doubts on the length of the death bit myself - I am quite satisfied with this draft itself.
This story wasn't really with a twist - it was more of a sad, but a related ending. But I do guess short stories require a certain punch/twist - since they end too soon :) Thanks again!
made cooler by Lime on May 1, 2004 3:10 PM
awsome.. just one line.. Kahani mein twist.. lol..
made cooler by Dhaval Faria on May 1, 2004 4:07 PM
awsome.. just one line.. Kahani mein twist.. lol..
made cooler by Dhaval Faria on May 1, 2004 4:07 PM
Speechless...
made cooler by Sarthak on May 1, 2004 6:38 PM
Dhaval: Kaunsa twist - there isn't a twist in the darn kahani. Its seedhi saadi, and bholi bhaali - like hindi movies :P
Sarthak: I guess its infectious - I'm speechless to comment to yours to :P
made cooler by Lime on May 1, 2004 8:53 PM
well, actually I dont no what to say.. but it was like.. I was expecting some other ending of the story.. and end was different.. so it was twist for me.. lol..
made cooler by Dhaval Faria on May 2, 2004 12:36 AM
nicely woven..too bad it had a tragic end but ended beautifully...my personal congrats on getting it published.
made cooler by Patrix on May 2, 2004 1:23 AM
I liked it a lot. Yes, the dying part. But if you could create a bit more interest. Like the para that goes..."And each time it hit the earth - a puddle got bigger, an umbrella got wetter and an old hag got sulkier." More stuff like this. And the raindrops were used interestingly. A more happy end, that leaves you thinking would have been better. You always seem to amaze me with your stuff. Good work! :)
made cooler by Rohit on May 2, 2004 2:25 PM
Touching - so when are you gonna compile these and let me publish a book? :p
made cooler by Preet Chandhoke on May 3, 2004 12:40 PM
good one! well edited it seemed to me. if i have to comment on the narration, i'd say there could have been more of the "we" part. you talked a lot abt rain a lot less abt "we" and then suddenly the death. given the heading, to me it looked so. but it sure was a good piece. :) keep it up and start writing a book ;)
made cooler by .a. on May 3, 2004 2:13 PM
Dhaval: Nice way to assume the twist, i guess :P
Patrix: Well, if only it were in print, I'd be obverjoyed - but anyway! Thank you so much for your appreciation :D
Rohit: Someone else pointed out that exact line and said it needed more like that :) What a co-incidence. Rains are supposed to be a happy thing, but the sad ending creates a contradiction and makes it an irony - hence, I used it. Personally, if I would've just ended it happily - it wouldn't have become a good piece, but a predictable one :) So it really isn't as much fun, is it? Thanks for your critique :)
Preet: That has to be the million-dollar question. As of now, I'm busy envying you.
.a.: I understand you wanting more focus on the couple - but I guess I just wanted more focus on the rain - and build up a good ground for the ending. I could rant on and on about how much I loved him and all that mush - but ultimately thats not the stuff that makes a story interesting :) Thanks for liking it!
made cooler by Lime on May 3, 2004 8:32 PM