They colored her lips a soft pink and painted her nails red. Her arms were lavishly donned with gold bangles and its weight hindered her free movement. Thick jewels penetrated through her earlobes, forcing a suppressed scream from her lips. Her neck felt heavy with the family valuables.
They swiftly worked their way around her body – leaving no inch of skin untouched by extravagance. They were her relatives, her friends, her accomplices. People she grew up with and learnt to grow fond of – none of whom felt sympathy for her. They only felt overjoyed to dress up the bride.
They made a lot of chatter. Everyone speaking at the same time – and none of them making the slightest sense. Traditionally they teased about her in-laws and especially about her to-be-husband, wandering often – but not for long – in the untraditional territory, where their Indian-ness forgot its bounds and let loose to more western fantasies.
Most of them were young and fascinated by the rituals that led to the grand ceremony. But the few old ones were experienced and their experience reflected in their gray hair, their motherly touch and their sarcastic remarks. Their own marriage had brought out the cynic in them and their cynicism was only realistic advice for those plunging into the institution.
She never spoke once. Only listened. Listened to the jokes and the giggles that followed. Listened to discussions over the fabric of her dress. Listened to the distant voices of aunts singing traditional songs. Listening to the mindless cacophony the day had brought forth, ignoring only the voice within which screeched for an escape.
She was ready finally to carry her attire and reach the sacred area where she would marry some man that she’d met a few times, but never known. They covered her head with the heavily-embroidered dupatta under whose weight her head felt even heavier than before. Tears escaped her eyes as she took a last glance at her room and they wiped them away warning her not to cry – else her mascara would smudge leaving behind an ugly bride.
She didn’t want to leave her domain. Never wanted to go into another’s house and treat it as her own. How could she be so stupid as to surrender under pressure? How could she take his word when he said he would keep her happy? Didn’t they all say so? And didn’t women still undergo deaths, divorces, abuse?
They pushed her and urged her to hurry. The auspicious time had arrived and it was only right to finish the ceremony within the time span. The music got louder and she could distinctly see her fiancé struggling to keep up with the eager crowd.
The music got even louder – almost tearing her eardrums apart. They pushed her hard, hurting her with their nails, making her shrink under her clothes. And they forced her next to the man they had chosen for her. The tall, rich guy who knew nothing about her past. Who could never know what she had underwent. Who could never understand what she felt or believed. Who only perhaps wanted to marry her for her father’s money or for her fair skin.
And she stood next to him with her head bent. The procession began with chants of holy hymns. And they stood and waited for instructions.
Suddenly, without a noise, a bullet pierced through his head and blood ran over his cream-colored attire. Her own dress was spotted with his blood. They screeched and cried, few even trying to locate the source of the bullet. And he fell with his mouth open next to the holy fire.
She sat next to him, staring at him as tears sprung in her own eyes. And she covered her face with both hands.
And she smiled…
Comments
Nice piece of work. But you kinda gave it away - the suspense that is - somewhere in the middle. :)
Ok - guess what Sheeba my cousin in CHD - she is getting her book published (she wrote some poems) and some publisher is going ahead and publishing them off - I was like Wow!. Anyhow - thinking of your short stories and your poems - you know whats going in my head as of now? Lets talk more on this on Tuesday!
made cooler by Preet Chandhoke on April 18, 2004 1:57 AM
Very well written. I'm speechless. You're truly GIFTED! Like professional writers... I hope I'm not sounding silly. You should really show THIS off...get it published...you have to...or else I'll do it with your name... :)
made cooler by Rohit on April 18, 2004 2:03 AM
really liked the end part. Especially when she smiles. And the very first line. And the part about the elders being sarcastic. Actually every part has a lot of depth. Good choice of words. Read it 3 times over. Am currently printing a copy to show everyone. How much time did it take for this masterpiece?
made cooler by Rohit on April 18, 2004 2:21 AM
Woah! I just returned after a long break, and girl u surely do surprise me...that's a masterpiece...both the elements of surprise, and surrender neatly aligned. The end was D best...all the time i thought it was about a girl surrendering in front of rituals, hopefully the bullet was not fired by her ex-bf :P Great Goin....hope for more of these....
made cooler by Sarthak on April 18, 2004 11:16 AM
Preet: Yep, thats my ultimate - a published book. But I'm far from that. I don't want to do it for the heck of it, need to compile some extremely good stuff and then go ahead with the idea. Which'll take some more time - since I am really not much done yet.
And I did not give it away :P Don't say that! Give me the darned line - I'll strike it off immediately. Hell - its supposed to be suspenseful man... you're freaking me out :D
Rohit: LOL - don't you dare man. Infact just posting it online made me very hesitant - the whole idea of someone copying it.. it kills you! But yea - if not this, then something similar I'd have to go ahead with. I like the periphery of this story - might fill it up with more matter or better description - but I'd let the essence remain the same. What I like best though is that its a little open-ended. You can think of quite a few possibilities behind his death. Thats the exciting bit :D
You read it three times over? Can I assume you liked it that much, or was it hard to understand ;) Thanks - you're really too kind! I didn't take more than 10 minutes - and no editing, no thinking before writing. Everything is spontaneous - the story build itself as I wrote. :)
Sarthak: THanks mahn! I kind of like the idea of her having arranged it all - his death, by hiring someone maybe. But there are other possiblities. Maybe she didn't have a clue about it and someone else did it. Maybe that bullet was meant for someone else and hit him instead. Maybe he was planning to kill her but the bullet hit him. Lotsa possiblities...
made cooler by Lime on April 18, 2004 11:38 AM
lol, just cuz I liked it. Infact, a 4th timer ain't bad is it? I tell you you're the next big thing! :D
made cooler by Rohit on April 18, 2004 12:11 PM
Or maybe she herself had assigned someone to kill him, and so all along...tears had rolled down as a regret of what she was to do...
made cooler by Rohit on April 18, 2004 12:13 PM
Rohit: I tell you, you're exceptional at flattery! Thanks :D
Well yes, thats the point I wrote it from - she assigned someone to kill him. But there are other possibilities all the same - depending on the reader's version of understanding. She cried beforehand for although she had assigned - you can never be sure if things will formulate the way you plan. She was scared, and those tears reflected her fears within of going through with the marriage if he didn't die. Or thats how I wrote it anyway :D
made cooler by Lime on April 18, 2004 1:29 PM
That was a good one Lime.. A few more trills and frills would have made it even better.
To me it'd be miserable that if I had to thank a bullet..If I can't stand up for myself I'd say I deserve to be pushed into a unhappy marriage
made cooler by Linus on April 18, 2004 1:37 PM
Linus: Perhaps what you feel is right in your family setup. But most Indian families - as you may be aware - are very assertive in their decisions regarding daughters - and especially those which belong to the orthodox traditional kin. The story highlights that sort of family, and hence her decisions are redundant.
So to get back at them, and saving herself (regardless of what she did was right/wrong) she took the drastic step. Again - its pure fiction, reality can have many variations. And I agree - requires more thrills and frills. Needs sincere editing. But lets leave that for another day :)
Thats for the critique though - quite helpful at that!
made cooler by Lime on April 18, 2004 1:47 PM
fascinating story.
made cooler by ekshaks on April 18, 2004 8:30 PM
Am I Late? rohit had told me yesterday at night to check out blog for this wonderfull masterpiece.. but I was too busy with work.. and then today.. my comp started giving me some probs.. so had to format it.. and just completed all the settings. .and remember to check out ur blog for the masterpiece.. and damn.. it was worth waiting I would say.. this one is really great.. I liked it..
made cooler by Dhaval Faria on April 18, 2004 11:28 PM
ekshaks: Thanks :o)
Dhaval: Oh no - you're never late to bombard me with compliments - those are always welcome! :D Thank you so much - you people are really too kind. Makes me want to write another right away :P
made cooler by Lime on April 19, 2004 11:12 AM
heh.. sure go ahead.. it opens up our minds..
made cooler by Dhaval Faria on April 19, 2004 11:33 AM
cool article. so far i've read two articles of yours on the same theme, each from each angle (bride/almost-groom). takes imagination to do that! most ppl are only good at writing things that happen to themselves.. keep it up! :)
and hey writing a book and publishing it perhaps isn't as hard as you think, given your talent. This site had an e-author competition where you submit ur first chapter and prizes are given out in the first round. if you make it they take ur book - i am not sure when the next competition starts. there is one going on now with first round over. btw, the first finalist is a close pal from college :)
look around and u'll find an great place to show off (other than ur blog ;) and be on ur way to being an earning writer! good luck (and my, what a huge comment this is! :P)
made cooler by .a. on April 19, 2004 5:07 PM
.a. Most people think my writing is a reflection of things which happen with me - for its quite realistic. And those are some very encouraging compliments from you - thank you so much. I know - such websites/offers are there, but it scares one to send across one's work without knowing if its in safe hands or not.
I do plan to do something eventually - book or something - but I want to take it slow and make a compilation of my own work and get it published from here itself for ease.
But for that, I need to get good :) There are a lot of online literary communities, but barely any which meet the standard. Also hoping to start/initiate an Indian literary movement online - perhaps an Indian community... but thats still under wraps.
Thanks so much once again :D You're really too darn kind!
made cooler by Lime on April 19, 2004 7:21 PM
As I said - go for it - I will scout a publisher and will have some head of the department of some good university to proof read and stuff - its time you should take the plunge! :)
made cooler by Preet Chandhoke on April 19, 2004 10:37 PM
Literary movement, you think it'll work?
made cooler by Rohit on April 21, 2004 10:20 PM
Preet: We'll 'think' about it...
Rohit: Sometimes a passion is too strong to be connected to gains.
made cooler by Lime on April 22, 2004 8:45 PM